in your corner, the reason you’ll soon find you are weak is because your emotions get in the way of effective decision making. there you are, perhaps you’re are an idiot but don’t realize, and you cannot rely on yourself to come up with the best solution to a given situation. now, then, it is ok for you to be emotional because you were a lost cause to begin with. it’s ok for your decision making processes to get tossed by the wayside because the solutions would be weak and diluted and ultimately unsuccessful.

in the other corner, is me, and i’m fully cognizant that emotions are a sign of weakness. here i stand fully aware of my actions, my environment, and our situation. as the clock ticks and you weigh your emotions, i can plot out and consider the best possible solution, remote from emotions, and give myself the best chance at success.

so in the end, you are obscuring your mind and precluding yourself from the calculated best course of action, making you, on average, more likely to fail. wouldn’t you want to give yourself the best chance to succeed? a little assignment: look around you, even in nature, and compare how things play out in every situation, and how closely the results relate to laws of physics, and consider the outcome had the victor weighed his emotions and what benefit is derived from emotions and you will soon see there is none.

My second husband intends to divorce me. At first I was devastated and thought about strategies that would enable me to keep him. Nothing worked and I was drowning in misery and alcohol (feelings, feelings, feelings). At some point, with the help of my support group (friends), I realized that I should close that chapter and move on to someone who will appreciate me. I made twp rational decisions: to stop drinking and to go to graduate school. I am moving in few months and FEELING great. I got myself out of the emotional mud by making rational decisions. Make wise decisions to cure/remove your negative feelings – is my advice.

My husband will have three short, failed marriages behind him, precisely because he can’t connect and open up emotionally. His problem! He would rather suffer alone than admit a mistake and compromise. It’s a decision he let his fragile ego make for him. “It’s my way or the highway” sent three of his wives on the highway. Ultimately, things will never be his way!

Follow your emotions and dreams, your intuition and faith; make decisions that will build your life, not destroy it. Set goals and plans and follow through them. How to measure your success: if you enjoyed an hour of your life, it was a successful hour. If you spent one hour helping someone or doing something useful for yourself, it was a successful hour. Don’t forget happiness is measured in moments, not in years. Forget the laundry and cuddle with your kids. Forget about buying a new fancy car; take your family on a nice vacation. Things perish, good memories don’t. If someone gives you heartache, either communicate your feelings to them or remove the entire person from your heart. Unless you care about something, it can’t hurt you. Some people are simply mean and negative. You can’t change them or understand them. Stay away from them.

If you’re unhappy with your career, it probably means you deserve better. But nothing better will knock on your door if you don’t do anything. First make a good product out of yourself (skilled and productive), then try to sell yourself. Unless you’re an artist or new in your professional field, chances are, you’re having the kind of career that you’ve fought for. The more passion (again, feelings) you invest in your professional development the more creative you will be about finding ways to succeed. Real successful people didn’t read a book “How to be Successful” that enlightened them. They had inner strength that led them through their struggles; they had goals that lit their paths; they had the curiosity to learn about their passions; they had the humility to learn from those who knew more; they had the endurance and patience to build their success piece by piece (and often watch it fall apart and re-build it from scratch).

The brain and the heart often DO work together as a team, but in a destructive way: the brain convinces the heart that it wants something that the brain imposes as wise. And the heart doesn’t want it. This case was elaborated by the original poster. But often, the heart imposes its feelings on the reason; it looks for excuses to do something that’s irrational and detrimental to our quality of life. Try to use your brain to contrive solutions that will please your heart.

If you’re a parent… one day, when you’re very old and you look back, all you will care about is that your children are happy and fulfilled. You won’t care about how many lovers you had, how many people insulted you, how many times you cried, how much money you made, whether you liked your profession or not… So try to give as much love and affection to your children as you can. Discipline is good, but strictness is crippling. Being serious about the rules is good, but being stiff about them teaches them to suppress their feelings – their greatest treasure. I’ve seen so many people suffering because they didn’t get enough attention and affection from their parents. I’ve never seen anyone suffering because their parents let them stay up for 30 more minutes when it was bedtime. My husband is passive-aggressive and unable to sustain a relationship because he was raised by strict, cold parents, deprived from passionate love. Love your kids passionately and teach them to love passionately. You can’t fix your psyches much by going to therapists, but you can prevent your children from needing therapists some day!