I mean seriously:

Expect more from your children.

That’s the major point here. In it, lies the demand to expect more from ourselves as parents because only parents who expect much of themselves can actually achieve greater expectations from their children.

I’m stumped sometimes by the degree to which it’s become so acceptable to find “reasons” to explain away problems instead of reasons to try harder to parent more responsibly.

Not that my young resume as a parent has much sway here, but I’ve never yet had to outright spank my son. I’ve raised my voice at him a few times to make sure he knew I was serious, but I’ve never had to outright discipline him.

Instead, I sit him with and talk to him. I tell him what I want, I find out what he wants. It takes a lot of effort. I mean a lot.

At the same time though, the rewards are high. He’s kind, he picks up his toys every night, doesn’t throw temper tantrums, picks up his dishes even. He’s 3.

And if needs something, without fear of consequence, he comes and asks me.

Unfortunately there are some parents who shouldn’t be parents – I acknowledge this is harsh comment to make, but I find it one of the great ironies of society is that many professions require their practioners to be educated, tested and certified/liscenced yet every parent is meant to instictively be a thoroughly competent parent. It’s taken me a few years to find the right skills and tools to be a father. This is something that I’ve had to work towards – I grew up being quickly condemned and sparingly praised by my stepfatheer, and I vowed that I wouldn’t repeat the same pattern of behaviour.

Steve, I totally agree that drugging kids is a cop-out for lack of parental involvement and discipline. I don’t know if you’re familiar with a TV show called “Shalom in the home”. If not and you get a chance, watch the episode titled “The Di Josephs”, which deals with a child diagnosed with ADHD. Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, who hosts the show, is very sceptical about ADHD diagnoses and it’s interesting to see what the causes of the family’s discontents are.

Thanks for giving me some thought provoking material to chew over.

I’m with you — I think all the behavior problems and medications are being scapegoat for deeper problems else where. Such as poor diet, lack of exercise and over-exposure to TVs and video games.

Control the amount of sugar in the diet, get them outside running around, and throw away TV and Wii and disconnect computer. See how they do then.

ari