Comments on: Can you See Yourself as Others Do?

By: S.

S. — Fri, 27 Nov 2009 23:52:07 +0000

I think not being able to see yourself as others do can work in the other direction, too. Usually it’s people seeing themselves as always right, or better than they are, but sometimes it’s someone seeing themselves more negatively than others see them. Rather than being destructive to those around you, this can be more or less destructive to the self.

For instance, my current boyfriend is sometimes a bit overweight. He’s had to fight it his whole life. It’s part of his genetic makeup and has gotten a little worse the past year or so since he was holding down a demanding job and watching his father die of cancer. It was a very difficult year for him, but he believes that people see him as undisciplined because of his weight. I think the reality is that most people actually see him much more positively than he thinks. He always keeps his commitments and he’s quite competent and compassionate, even under pretty extreme stress. He simply had to choose some priorities to focus on since he couldn’t do it all.

People he works with and friends respect him more than almost anyone. His work created a position that didn’t exist until he came along. They made it just for him since they were so impressed.

Of course, I’m biased because I love the guy, but he’s by far the most beautiful person I’ve ever gone out with. I’ve dated physically hotter people, but none were anywhere near in character and other positive qualities. I wouldn’t trade him for the hottest physical specimen I’ve ever seen. If he can lose some weight again, I’d be happy simply because I want him to be around and healthy for as long as he can be. Otherwise, no one I know (that actually knows him) ever actually judges him because of his weight.

I’ve tried telling him, but it doesn’t seem to sink in. Sometimes I just wish I could magically show him exactly what I and others around him really see, since it’s pretty overwhelmingly positive. He deserves to let it go since it’s a minor flaw in comparison to everything else he has going.

By: Paulie Soulboy

Paulie Soulboy — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 19:28:02 +0000

This is great post indeed, made me think;which is a rarity these days. What interests me is the lady who posted a comment on why she can’t make othrs think like her..an interesting proposition.

Ah yes, that’s where hypnotism and mesmerism come along, say hello and say “Yes, that is right, because I know this is true.”

All along our decisions make our personal dramas unfold; into a story in which we are victims, or we are winners. Where are the people who understand consequence and responsibility?

we make them., I am sure.

By: Kim O.

Kim O. — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 17:51:22 +0000

After listening to some characters on tv, I thought of myself perhaps in the same realm. So I asked myself a question:

Is what I say ABOUT others how listeners see me?

Scary. So Google presented your site first and I enjoyed your scenarios.
I do believe now that what I say about others (mostly cynical, judgmental and negative) is how others see me and therefore (duh!) want to avoid me. I sure hope I don’t do it on purpose to keep people away and trust it’s more a poor self-esteem image that I can work on.

By: Brenda M.

Brenda M. — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 18:21:43 +0000

Many times people are good at pointing out others’ shortcomings, but fail to identify their own. Before I correct people, I often try to share something that I needed correction on also. But some people would rather play the victim of how you wrongly saw ‘through them’ and instead, share their bitterness with their children and parents. Sometimes, I can look at three different generations of a family and see how each appears to hang on to bitterness in response to correction.

I pray for them and for all of us who need to see our mistakes, confess them, and grow from them. Now that’s something worthwhile to PASS ON to our children!

By: princess sarah

princess sarah — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 06:17:37 +0000

actually that was really a great post steve and i was really amazed, but u know what i think that if we reverse that all round, i mean not viewing ourselves from people point of view BUT making them view us from our own perspective , and so begin to force people to treat us the way we wanna it to be, making them learn how they should respect me for who i am and treat me like a princess, just as i can see myself and as i act ofcourse, and after that you may see how much will do what you wanna them to do for you and how much crossed that line, and begin to ask why at that instance but at that time its supposed to be peoples fault, orelse maybe you didnt convince yourself that you are really a precious , important and respected humanbeing , to convince them about it that much ?! anyway i would really appreciate it if you would see my point and reply me back, iam a new writer, and thats all from my mind, not based on any theories !

By: Steve Olson. Com | Freelancing Journey

Steve Olson. Com | Freelancing Journey — Tue, 28 Aug 2007 14:33:40 +0000

[...] Steve Olson. Com Ever since I blogged for B5Media on personal development I have been keeping up with blogs for entrepreneurs, business owners, and anyone else who really needs to keep a positive attitude. One blog I discovered this morning is Steve Olson’s. I really like this post asking if you see yourself as others see you. Great stuff. If we could give ourselves a break long enough to actual see the way other people view us we would often more than not find that we are pretty damned special. But most of us are too busy picking on ourselves for our weaknesses instead of concentrating on our strengths. Reading blogs like Steve’s can help us to remember not to listen to those negative voices inside of us. Bookmark to: Thank you for reading this post. You can now Leave A Comment (0) or Leave A Trackback. [...]

By: Build Your Life To Order ™ | Speedlinking - 19 August 2007

Build Your Life To Order ™ | Speedlinking - 19 August 2007 — Sun, 19 Aug 2007 18:29:30 +0000

[...] Steve Olson has asked, ‘Can you see yourself as Others Do?‘ This is great because we all have our own subjective perspective. Again in NLP lingo we say, “The map is not the territory.” The territory is external objectivity, the map is our own interpretation of that reality. No-one on this earth is ’seeing reality as it is‘ – NO-ONE. Steve says, [...]

By: Evolving Times » 16 Personal Development Lessons From Harry Potter

Evolving Times » 16 Personal Development Lessons From Harry Potter — Thu, 16 Aug 2007 17:45:02 +0000

[...] 3. Acknowledging Your Weaknesses Can Be More Important Than Increasing Your Strengths. Voldemort’s downfall was his unwillingness to acknowledge his weaknesses. He was convinced that by increasing his power he would be able to overcome anything and everyone. Ultimately it was his inability to see his weakness that led to his end. While focusing exclusively on our weaknesses is not healthy or helpful, ignoring them is equally foolish. Know your strengths. Empower them and make them stronger. But also acknowledge and accept your weaknesses. Strengthen those that can be strengthened and ask for help and support with those that cannot be. Ignore your weaknesses at your own peril. [...]

By: Edmund Snyder

Edmund Snyder — Thu, 16 Aug 2007 00:30:22 +0000

I already know that I’m most own worst critic. Deep inside, I know I’m a great guy, liked by most, loved by many. Due to persecution similar to that your wife went through in public schools, it pretty much stays deep down because the surface Ed is actually somewhat insecure.

As far as changing the bad habits and destructive behaviours that I have–unfortunately laziness is chief among them which makes it difficult to cure any of the other issues. Fortunately, none of my issues are very severe.

Another good entry, Steve.

By: Craig Harper

Craig Harper — Wed, 15 Aug 2007 12:28:47 +0000

“We don’t see things as they are; we see things as we are”.
Anais Nin was spot on when she made the above observation.
1. I need to listen more than I speak.
2. I need to talk with people, not at them.
3. In order for me to be able to genuinely connect with people, I need to know how they see the world (or at least try).
4. I will learn more about someone by watching than I will by listening to them
(93% of communication is non-verbal).
5. Many people will tell me what they think I want to hear.
6. I can’t impose my values, beliefs or opinions on people.
7. I can have the best motives and intentions… and still hurt and offend people.