All posts by Steve

How do you define success?

After reading Paul’s post at Homeowners Blog. I asked myself the question – how do I define success? Here is my answer:

  • Success means knowing I do the right things for the right reasons.
  • Success means not compromising integrity.
  • Success means I share with those who need my help.
  • Success means I give my time to my family.
  • Success means providing value to others.
  • Success means living up to my commitments.
  • Success means building a community – not a network.
  • Success means looking in the mirror and liking what you see.

Notice how money and title isn’t in my definition? Title means nothing to me.

I believe money is the by-product of living a successful life – not the measure.

I want to know your definition of success. Go ahead and post it in comments.

For more on the definition of success, check this out.

How rigid beliefs affect relationships

I believe you should always be on time. I get angry when people are late because I believe it is disrespectful.

Joe does not believe being on time is important. He has said so. He is usually late.

So who has the problem here? I do.
Why? Because I am angry. Joe is happy.

Joe doesn’t even know there is a problem, because I haven’t told him yet. Let’s say I never tell him and stew in my anger believing everybody believes you should be on time and that everyone believes being late is disrespectful. I will be angry with Joe and Joe will have no clue why I am angry because I have assumed he believes the same things I believe about punctuality.

Now let’s say I have told Joe that it makes me angry when he is late, but he is still always late and doesn’t understand why it is such a big deal. He doesn’t believe it is a big deal.

Joe is not going to change his belief in punctuality. He has demonstrated that. I can’t change Joe’s belief, only he can.

So what can I do?
I can choose to change my belief that Joe should always be on time and that will in turn change my belief that I have been disrespected and then I won’t be angry at Joe anymore.

OR

I can stop making appointments with Joe.

As you can see…
Joe doesn’t make me angry…
I make myself angry because my beliefs don’t allow me to accept Joe as he is.

Once I put this in print, the whole concept appears absurdly obvious. But in all honesty, I didn’t truly comprehend the concept until yesterday when someone close to me had a problem in her personal relationships.

A Simple Formula for Weight Loss and Long-Term Maintenance

The secret to losing weight isn’t really a secret at all – It’s simple and it’s free. I’ll get to that later in the post, but first I want to give you some background.

In the past, it was difficult for me to lose weight because I choose to believe it was complicated. I choose to believe that thin people had a special genetic makeup that allowed them to be thin and that the only way I could be thin again was to find a magic solution. I never found that solution. I tried Atkins, South Beach, and other diet fads to lose weight and they worked for a while, but I always bounced back to where I started. Diet plans worked temporarily because they got me to change my lifestyle temporarily. As soon as I reverted to my old lifestyle the weight returned.

In order for me to lose weight and maintain the new weight, I had to change my beliefs about weight loss and weight maintenance. I had to dump my belief that somehow weight loss was complicated. I had to drop the belief that the solution lies outside of me. I had to dump my belief in a magic solution that I hadn’t yet discovered.

A weight problem is like a debt problem. We get into debt by:

  1. Not paying attention to how much we are spending
  2. Planning to earn more and failing to deliver
  3. Denying how deep we’ve gotten

The weight problem goes like this:

  1. Not paying attention to how much we are eating
  2. Planning to exercise and failing to do it…enough
  3. Denying how heavy we are

I did some research about my problem and implemented this simple plan.
Here are the numbers:

  • I am a 37 year old man
  • Starting weight 200 lbs
  • Goal weight 175 lbs
  • Mildly active and likely to remain mildly active
  • I burn about 2500 calories per day
  • Eating 2000 calories per day resulted in 4-6 lbs lost each month.
  • It took about 5 months to lose 25 lbs.
  • Now I can eat 2500 calories per day and maintain 175 lbs indefinitely

People design name brand diet plans to trick you into applying this simple formula without thinking about it. But that is the problem – you need to think about it. Long-term success requires you to pay attention to what you eat and understand the formula. Try solving a debt problem without paying attention to your spending. It won’t work.

The above formula is simple, healthy, safe, and available here. Plug in your numbers and put the plan into action – It worked for me and it will work for you. To determine the caloric value of the food you eat, visit this site. Remember I said it was simple, not easy. Sometimes it is hard to change your deeply held beliefs. But when you begin to believe the solution to your weight problem lies within you and not outside of you, your chances for success increase exponentially.

It only requires three things:

  • Pay attention to what you are eating
  • Believe the solution lies within you
  • Commit to long term lifestyle change

Weight loss is that simple. (with the exception of a few rare metabolic conditions)

Before I posted this, I asked my wife to read it. She said, “What’s new here? Doesn’t everybody know this?” I said, “If everybody knows this, why is weight loss a multi-billion dollar industry?” She answered, “Because everyone wants to believe their weight problem is bigger than them. It can’t be just about them.” Ah! Touche! Touche!

This post was entered in the ProBlogger Group Writing Project- How to.

First Post

Chris (my spouse) and I are on a quest… 

A quest for personal freedom.

  • The freedom to live as we wish to live
  • The freedom to think our own thoughts
  • The freedom to schedule our own time
  • The freedom to create
  • The freedom to lead
  • The freedom to nurture our children and allow them to remain free and independent spirits
  • The freedom to be ourselves every moment of everyday
  • The freedom to explore
  • Financial freedom

I recently realized that we have been on this journey since the day we were born. I plan to use this weblog to share our journey with you as it progresses. To share our successes and our temporary setbacks, in detail, so that our experiences can inspire you to live life as it was truly meant to be lived – free.