7 Things My 7 Year Old Learned From MMA (Mixed Martial Arts)

If your kids are like mine, and don’t care for team sports, MMA is an excellent alternative.

My son does MMA training 3 nights a week at the American School of Martial Arts in Savage MN. When he chose to take Karate, we visited several different schools, and he decided on MMA. He liked the school, the instructor, and the structure. He can quit any time he wishes. But he knows, if he quits, it’s final, and I am never taking him back (just a little lesson about the power of decision).

7 Things My 7 Year Old Learned from MMA

Goal Setting – It started with learning a Kenpo technique called the Snapping Twain. He was determined to do it correctly. Then he began focusing on earning stripes for his belt, and later decided to earn his first belt. The goals he sets in MMA are not easy to achieve. They take months of focus and consistent practice. Now, without my prompting he sets financial goals and educational goals for himself, and I credit the things he’s learned in MMA training

Persistence – He’s been at this 18 months and still hasn’t earned his second belt. His first belt took 9 months. Some days he practices free grappling, which is Jiu Jitsu (the art of softness – no hitting or punching). He lost dozens of these matches, but improved with each loss. Previously, he avoided things that weren’t easy for him, now he accepts the challenge even if the odds are are against him. Why? He’s discovered that if he keeps trying, he will improve. Sometimes he sees improvement in an hour, other times it takes months. But with consistent effort, improvement happens. This is the same son that invented the word “Shandshowbo” when he was 4. It means keep trying even when it’s hard.

Confidence – There is no substitute for self-confidence. If you don’t believe in your ability to overcome obstacles, if fear of failure stops you, you will never reach your goals.

“Confidence comes not from always being right but from not fearing to be wrong.”

Confidence comes from deep inside, and it is reflected in your posture, the way you shake hands, if you look someone in the eye when they speak to you. The kids at ASMA are taught to stand up straight, look each other in the eye, shake hands, and speak clearly and confidently. In my experience, very few kids have the basic social skills that come with confidence. Confidence comes from knowing you have the mental and physical strength to deal with adversity and challenge. MMA training fosters that confidence.

Nutrition – Look at a group of today’s youth and you’ll see that few kids understand the foundation of good nutrition. MMA training stresses the importance of eating healthy natural foods and avoiding sugar, HFCS, and processed foods. Each day, the instructor requires my son to name 5 fruits and vegetables he has eaten that day. If he can’t, he does 25 push ups. This method has been so effective, in 18 months, my son has never had to do those push ups. By 6 years old, he developed an obsession with eating healthy foods. He nags us to feed him healthy food. Today, he frequently says things like, “I’m not eating candy for the next 60 days.” He does this with no prompting from me or the instructors. He does it because he wants to be healthy and test himself. That is radical self-discipline for a 7 year old.

Physical Fitness – Each training session starts with a 10-15 minute run, followed by a routine of stretches and calisthenics. After about a year, he could do over 100 squats and 50 push-ups in near perfect form. Many mornings he gets up early and works out for 20 minutes on his own. One morning I awoke at 6 AM to sounds coming from the living room. There was my son doing squats. Physical fitness isn’t a goal, it’s a habit, and MMA training ingrains the habit young.

Frustration Tolerance – Trying something difficult for the first time is frustrating, especially if you’re around other people who make it look easy. The same is the case for MMA training. Many times my son grapples with bigger more experienced kids, they end up on top of him, and it’s frustrating and difficult to get out from underneath them. I’ve seen the frustration on his face after a difficult situation. A situation when he fails repeatedly. But in time, I’ve seen him turn that frustration from fear and anger, into determination, and finally achievement.

Focused Attention – Your strength and ability at any task, is directly related to your ability to focus your attention on your goal and the task at hand. The power of focused attention is the most powerful thing you control. The importance of focus can’t be stressed enough. I don’t care what you’re doing, writing, painting, drawing, speaking, running, or swinging a golf club, focus is essential.

As many of you know, children, especially boys, struggle with focus and attention, some more than others. Some kids just “space off” a little, others are diagnosed with ADD/ADHD and are prescribed powerful psychotropic drugs. Putting a child on mind altering drugs is a huge decision, one that shouldn’t be taken lightly. Alternative treatments are possible, and Martial Arts training can and has worked as an alternative therapy for ADD/ADHD. (Please do not stop any medication without consulting with your child’s physician.)

Many kids show typical ADD/ADHD symptoms because they aren’t getting enough exercise. Parents and schools tend to discipline a hyperactive child by making them sit still for long periods of time (timeout). For most hyper kids, this only produces more hyperactivity. Instead, have them run laps or do squats or push ups. Exercise helps kids focus.

Sportsmanship – Have you seen a kid throw a fit when they don’t win? Have you seen him mock his opponent when he does win? Have you seen a child look for a weaker opponent simply because he didn’t want to lose? Have you seen him refuse to try when he realized he would probably lose? These are all issues of sportsmanship. Sportsmanship is a basic social skill we all should master. We all compete at some level, and good sportsmanship reflects strong character.

Trying challenging things and failing builds sportsmanship, and MMA training challenges kids. No one is a superstar on day one. Everything is earned and all bullying is shunned.

Why MMA?

My son loves it and he doesn’t like team sports. Maybe that will change, but until it does, MMA provides all the physical and mental benefits of team sports.

We hear a constant refrain about the dangers facing our children today – Obesity, ADD/ADHD, Stranger Abduction, and Apathy. We also hear about the entitlementality – kids growing up believing they’re entitled to things that must be earned – things that cannot be bestowed from the outside – things that must be grown over time in your soul. To build a strong future we need to help young men and women build a strong character. Unfortunately, for the most part, character isn’t being learned or taught in our schools.

Building strong character begins at home, but a child needs input for many sources, sources that may not be available in every home. As parents we are limited to our own knowledge and perspectives, and for me and Christine, that isn’t enough. Our kids need role models, who can share knowledge and experience, we as parents do not have.

How to Think Yourself Free

Perhaps you’re feeling stuck, or even trapped, in some area of your life. Maybe a job or a hobby which you once loved has turned into a chore – or a relationship has gone sour.

The problem is, you can’t quite imagine giving it up. You’re still clinging to the early hopes you had, or desperately trying to regain your past enthusiasm. Maybe you’ve been in your job, or engaged on a particular project, for so long that there really doesn’t seem to be an alternative.

There is: and to create it, you need to start by thinking yourself free.

What Would Happen If You Lost It?

Let’s say you’re not enjoying your job. (You wouldn’t be alone: statistics show that more than half of us dislike our jobs.) You might have been enthusiastic about your career field once, but now, you simply go through the motions.

If quitting seems unthinkable, try imagining how you’d feel if you were laid off, or if you had to leave due to circumstances beyond your control. Once the initial shock had passed, would you feel a sense of relief? Would you feel as though a burden had been lifted?

I’ve never had a problem with quitting jobs I disliked (it’s how I became a full-time freelancer, a year ago) – but a few months back, I was ploughing on with running a blog when my enthusiasm for it had died. It wasn’t until someone emailed me, asking how much it would cost to buy the blog, that I began to find the mental space to let it go.

(I didn’t sell it – but I did decide to only do minimal maintenance on the site. The funny thing is, nearly all the advertising revenue I’ve had from it has been since I stopped actively blogging there…)

Of course, quitting your job is a lot scarier than simply giving up on a blog or on another project that you’ve lost interest in. When I was working on leaving my day job, I asked myself…

What’s the Worst Case Scenario?

If you abandon the project, job or relationship that’s holding you trapped, what’s the worst that could happen? Think this through: would you be homeless? Starving? Broke? Or would even the worst possible consequences be ones that you could quite easily recover from?

When you clarify the worst case scenario in your mind, you’ll notice some interesting things:
• The consequences aren’t so dire as that vague cloud of fear in your mind suggested
• You can already see plenty of ways to recover if the worst does happen
• The worst case scenario seems pretty unlikely anyway
Don’t stay with the doom and gloom, though (even if it doesn’t seem so bad after all). Think about…

What’s the Good Stuff That Will Happen?

If you left your job, there’d be some negative consequences (like a lack of income), but there’d also be a ton of positive ones. Write down the ones that mean the most to you. Maybe:
• Having time to spend with your kids
• Not having to work with a boss or colleagues who don’t share your values
• Finally getting to pursue your dreams
• Being able to sleep better at night

Leaving a situation that has you feeling trapped will always result in a massive, empowering sense of freedom. Allowing yourself to visualise all these positive consequences can help you create the desire to actually get to them.

Getting There

Once you’ve liberated yourself mentally from the chains of your dull job, draining relationship or flogging-a-dead-horse project, it’s time to take action. Spend a few minutes really visualizing your success: hold on to that sense of freedom. Then write down some immediate steps you can take to get yourself closer. You don’t need to know every single step on the path – you just need to have a map for where you’re going next.

In some cases, the steps might be pretty short. Perhaps you want to wrap up your project to make sure you still get something out of it: this could mean anything from selling off your materials to finding a suitable “end point”. If you want to drop out of college, perhaps you’ll decide to stick out the semester in order to get the credits for classes you’ve already started on.

If you want to leave your job, there are likely to be a few steps you want to take to avoid that worst case scenario. For many people, the first task is to establish an emergency fund (or to add to an existing one). Keeping your goal in mind can help you stay motivated to cut your spending and put money aside each week or month.

Keep thinking yourself free. Keep imagining your life without the situation that’s dragging you down. However tough life seems, or however trapped you feel – you’re not. There’s always a way out, and the first step to creating it is to imagine it.

Bio: Ali Hale writes about getting more from life on her blog, Aliventures: if you enjoyed this post, you’ll probably enjoy Life: Choose Your Own Adventure. Ali is also a freelance blogger for a number of other sites, and is taking a postgraduate degree in creative writing.